How can I love you? I don’t even know you.


This post is a bit on the deep end for me but is a subject I feel compelled to address. Is it OK not to feel emotionally connected to your newborn baby ? I think it is normal… at least it was for me? It must seem ironic that I would feel so disconnected from someone who was literally connected to me for 9 months.

It seems like so many moms say and post things about how they fell in love with their baby the moment they were born or even through out their pregnancy. I think that is wonderful and beautiful, but what about those of us who don’t feel that way? I know I am not the only one, but I rarely hear or see anyone talk about it. Please don’t judge me, this is how I truly, genuinely felt and I hope by opening up this subject any new moms who can relate wont feel like an outsider.

After giving birth I naturally felt protective over this this little life and my body and instincts knew exactly what he needed and when he needed it. That in itself slowly helped me to feel a union but it was not immediate.

When we were in the hospital a few hours after delivery, my husband asked me “Do you love him yet?” I responded with “Do you?” to which he replied “I don’t really know him.” I agreed and had the same sentiment. It seemed really awkward that we felt this way. This was not how I imagined what having a baby would be, or what you see on TV.


That first week of having a baby was one of the weirdest times in my life. It had only been my husband and I all these years and now all of a sudden there is another one of us… and we are supposed to take them home and raise them. Sometimes I would ask myself “What have I done?” Having a baby is a big deal and honestly, it terrified me.

I don’t know this person, and quite frankly after having a baby I don’t even know myself right now. I feared that my husband would view me differently now that I was a mom, my body was different, my hormones were an 11 on a scale of 1 – 10 on the crazy meter, I was in physical pain and my whole life as I knew it had completely changed.


The truth is, for some of us, our new baby feels like a complete stranger and it takes time to get to know them and fall in love. But the good new is, it will come! Don’t feel ashamed or defective if you’re not automatically head over heels infatuated with your newborn.

Give your self time to process and adjust as it feels natural to you and before you know it you will have fallen so in love and be absolutely obsessed! Your body will go back, your hormones will mellow out and your marriage will likely grow stronger! hang in there, I promise…It really is the best!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s